"Killing Us Softly 4" documents advertising's image of women

What does advertising’s image of women have to do with our ability to craft satisfying and equitable careers?

Well, it’s called “internalized oppression” — the process by which any group will take corrosive social images into their own minds, and be held back by them.  (Let’s not even get into what happens when other people believe that women are simply the sum of our sexual parts…)

If we believe, no matter how slightly, that we’re really supposed to be beautiful, decorative (and nowadays, slutty) sex objects, we’re going to find it subtly harder to speak up for ourselves with clarity, impact and ease.

You don’t feel that way about yourself?  Congratulations!  Still, each day, you’re exposed to 3000+ advertising attempts to make you feel like, at the very most, a  consumerist object.  Want to see what those messages are telling you?  Watch the trailer for Jean Kilbourne’s brilliant documentary (her fourth on this topic in 40 years; and no, things are not getting better!), or  watch the whole harrowing film in low rez here.  And go to Jean’s site to learn more.

waiting for your work to be noticed

Must read:  Andrea S. Kramer’s Bragging Rights: Self-Evaluation Dos and Don’ts reports on the 1000 attorney self-evaluations she read while serving on McDermott, Will & Emery’s Compensation Committee.  With typical mild understatement, she says, “I was struck by the differences between those self-evaluations submitted by men and those submitted by women.”  No kidding!  Check out Kramer’s transformative recommendations, on page 2.

Delivering difficult news — or saying almost anything to a client who’s “civility challenged” — can be tough.  In last month’s New York Women’s Bar Association newsletter, I wrote about how to analyze and prepare for these sometimes-daunting encounters. (Download When It’s Hard to Talk to Your Client.)

Do you have a reliable approach for prepping difficult conversations?  What is it, and how has it changed over time?

What if you could gather 60+ smart, seasoned women attorneys in one room, and ask them about all your professional conflicts, questions and concerns?

That’s what reading “Best Friends at the Bar” is like.  Author (and former law firm partner) Susan Smith Blakely has gathered an extraordinary group of women and men for a  no-nonsense, yet inspiring, look at what practicing law is really like for today’s women.

Any woman who’s thinking about (or navigating) a legal career can benefit from the wisdom in this book.  Plus, Susan has been speaking to women at law schools and bar associations; read this review or go to Susan’s site to learn more.

Debrahlee Lorenzana

Was she fired from Citibank for being too… “curvy”?

Referencing the New York Post, the ABA Journal reports that, “In a court filing, Debrahlee Lorenzana complained to management that she was being treated in a sexist and discriminatory manner and that other women at the bank dressed more provocatively than she did.”

At that point, “in a regressive response more suitable for reality television than a white-shoe corporation in the 21st century, plaintiff was advised that these other comparator females may wear what they like, as their general unattractiveness rendered moot their sartorial choices,” the filing states.

They should have asked their lawyer before saying that!

Lisa Belkin’s NY Times column, “Judging Women,” has kicked off an important discussion about what it means that the first two women on the Supreme Court were parents while Sonia Sotomayor and Elana Kagan are not.  This lively discussion between Belkin and Gail Collins (author of “When Everything Changed“) talks about what hasn’t changed for professional women, and asks, “What’s next?”

Linda Babcock and Sara Laschever, who wrote Women Don’t Ask, have a wonderful new book out called Ask For It. Babcock is the scholar who calculated that failure to negotiate your first job offer can amortize out into a $1 million lifetime loss for women.

Fortunately, it’s never too late to negotiate for your own career interests.  Babcock’s research indicates that, right now, men do this four times more often than women; but we learn fast!

Are you ever the smallest person in the room?  Even average- or large-sized women can find ourselves physically dwarfed by our male colleagues.

Male strategies like sprawling, or splaying their legs far apart can’t work for women.  But these 3 tips will help you bulk up your impact, even when your physical “footprint” is small:

1. Wear “power” colors.  There’s a reason why Hillary Clinton favors red.  Strong, solid colors catch the eye and proclaim your confidence and importance.

2. Put your hands on the table. If you’re sitting at a conference table, forget your mother’s etiquette advice!  Putting your hands in your lap makes your shoulders slump.  Resting them on the table squares your upper body and helps you look (and feel) alert and ready to respond.

3. Think big. “Presence” begins in your own mind.  If you think or feel that you’re taking up space, you’re more likely to project a substantive presence, even when you’re not speaking.  (The same is true in reverse for large people who project a sense of lightness and agility.)

You can practice these tips anywhere, and have fun feeling like Mia Hamm, Xena Warrior Princess, or (in the words of Dr. Phyllis Mindell, author of A Woman’s Guide to the Language of Success) She Who Must Be Obeyed.  They’ll quickly become second nature, and serve you well in situations where others are tempted to overlook you or your contributions.

Note:  This month the New York Women’s Bar Association launches a bi-monthly column by yours truly called (yes, you guessed it!) Be Your Own Advocate. Enjoy!

It’s easy for women attorneys to feel discouraged about their prospects.  This economy has been disastrous for many — but even before the crash last year, progress toward parity seemed to have stalled.  The Bureau of Labor Statistics reports that, from 2002 to 2008, the median salary of full-time women attorneys was just 75% that of men. The relentless push for billable hours that marks the law’s shift from profession to business seems to only be getting worse.  And NYWBA’s Survey of Manhattan Law Firms notes that “[a]lthough women have constituted nearly 50% of all law students for more than two decades…  women still constitute only 35% of full-time attorneys at Manhattan law firms” and 17% of equity partners.

Yet even in this climate, there are women attorneys who thrive.  [read entire article]